Lithium Carbonate
by Ash3
Summary: A grown up Hitomi relies on manic depression drugs to get over Van
1. Lithium Carbonate

**Lithium carbonate**   
By, Ash C.   
ash1107@hotmail.com 

Hitomi walked into her bathroom and stared into the mirror. Her hair was in a disheveled mess, her face looked tired and pale and, she had strikingly blood-shot eyes. But, she hadn't come in just to look at her wretched reflection. She reached up to the mirror and pulled gently on it so smoothly swung open. Prescription bottles off all kinds neatly lined up on all the shelves of the inside of the cabinet. She reached up to a nearly empty one and opened it, quickly she glanced inside of it, three small, round, white pills were piled on top of each other in the bottom corner.   
"Only three pills…damn." She muttered quietly to herself. Then she quickly grabbed one and shoved it into her mouth, took a paper cup, filled it with water and swallowed the pill in one gulp. 

  
Hitomi out of the bathroom and turned on the radio, so it played softly, a welcomed noise in her deathly silent apartment. She fell back onto her full size bed and stared out the window, momentarily glancing at the random pigeon that flew by. Her thoughts lingered on their feathers than on to the reason she was taking those thrice-cursed pills.   
"Van" she thought angrily and sorrowfully. He was the reason because of those pills; if I had never met him I would've never had to go to therapy, and would have to live on those pills. Then she sat up, pulled her legs into an 'Indian style position' and slightly bent forward she leaned her head on her hand,   
"It was a clean break when I left Fanelia for the last time…. I should've been able to live my life perfectly" she spoke out loud.   
"But, the visions wouldn't stop" she said sadly and tear slid down her cheeks. It was always the same vision over, and over again.   


It would begin with a vision of Van, older of course and much more attractive. She would always smile to herself when she thought of this though, a secret place in her heart would always hurt. Then my vision would fast-forward a bit and then next I would see him getting married to a beautiful woman, her hair was long and silky with a bluish tint. Their faces would clearly show the love they had for each other, and the ceremony would then fast forward to Van sitting outside and small boy with black hair possessively cling to him. Then the vision would end.   


Sure, she was okay with it the first time, 'yeah right, I was okay with it?' she thought to herself 'I cried for a week straight it seems'. Van felt her grief and his image would appear and try to comfort her, sending soothing messages of concern to her heart because they couldn't vocally talk when he would visit her as a hologram. Hitomi though, never opened up and talked about the vision and slowly she broke off the connection that kept her and Van linked. Hitomi, at that time thought her visions would end, but instead they came back. Not different ones but the same one, over, and over again. She would usually consider herself lucky if she could make it through the day without having the vision more than twice. Then slowly they made her crazy and her friends took her to a psychologist. After a few sessions with the psychologist she was classified a manic-depressive and was given her first bottle of the 'pills'. She was instructed to take them when she felt calm. The pills always made her feel better she slowly admitted and they also at least stopped the visions. Hitomi now had days upon end without the vision and no other disturbances.   
Hitomi stood up and walked around to her dresser and then without notice, her legs gave out on her and she fell to the floor. She picked herself off the floor a bit and put a hand on the low dresser to steady herself. She bit her bottom lip as the tears slowly trickled down her face and at that moment she knew that her life was over, she wanted to die. 

Yeah!!! I'm finished with the first chapter!! I know it's short but, you'll understand um, consider this Chapter 1: part1. Well here are some references to clear some misunderstandings.   
1: The Pills are actually "Lithium carbonate" which are usually used when someone has bipolar disorder and manic depression. 

2: Yes, Hitomi is a manic-depressive… I always wanted to mess around with her mind! O.o 

3: The last part was when Hitomi was experiencing vertigo.   



	2. Drug Induced Smiles

Chapter 2   
By, Ash C.   
ash1107@hotmail.com 

Hitomi leaned on her dresser, closed her eyes and let the tears pour down her cheeks onto the hard wood floor. Suddenly a bright light illuminated the room next to her and then ceased. A soft sound of feet pattered into the her room and she felt a hand lightly press on her shoulder. 

"Hitomi?" the voice said. 

She stopped crying for a moment and looked up into his face. Not that she really needed to, his presence was enough to tell her who it was. He was down on one knee and looked anxiously into her face, searching for some resemblance of the girl he once knew. She lurched forward into his arms and hugged in tightly, leaving him speechless for a moment.   
"Gomen Van..." she whispered in between sobs. He tightly wrapped his arms around her and hugged with the same intensity. 

Time then ceased to pass and he let her cry on his shoulder till she was done. Finally her eyes felt dry, her voice rasped when she spoke and she went to her bathroom to wash her face off. Van followed closely behind. Opening up her medicine cabinet/mirror reached in and grabbed her medicine bottle and took out a pill, leaving only one left. 

"What's that?" Van asked suspicious of what she was doing. 

"It's my medication, it makes me feel better and not quite so stressed" Hitomi said softly. 

Van's eyes widened for a moment as something passed through his head then his face became impassive. Hitomi then swallowed the pill. They walked into her living room and sat on opposite ends of her couch facing each other. Finally Hitomi spoke up. 

"Would you like some tea?" Van's head nodded. She walked into her kitchen and started fixing the tea. 

"Hitomi... what happened?" Van's voice asked, unsure. Hitomi stopped what she was doing for a moment. 

"N..Nothing" she said softly but loud enough for him to hear. 

"That's crap" he said bluntly "If nothing happened then why would you be needing to take drugs for an artificial happiness? What happened to the beautiful girl I once felt so strongly for? You're nothing but a dry and empty husk of your teen years...no joy...no spirit...nothing but drug induced smiles!"   
Hitomi turned around to find him standing in the doorway to kitchen. 'This isn't the way i wanted it to be!!" she thought to herself ' why can't he understand?' Then she looked up, 

"You want to know why? …You're the reason I'm this way Van!" she yelled. 

"What are you talking about?" he asked completely taken back by the comment. Hitomi walked past him out of the kitchen and into the living room then sits down on the couch. 

"Ever since I left Gaea I still had visions…" 

"And that's supposed to come as a big surprise to me?" Van retorted sarcastically 

Hitomi glared at Van 

"Van… shut up…" she said quietly. Walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. 

"and?" he prompted 

"and the visions were exactly the same. They were horrible and there was nothing I could do about them. The visions would happen whenever they wanted to…while I was eating, during school, in conversations with other people. You can imagine what people thought of me when I was right in the middle of a sentence, my eyes would get glazed and I would stop talking." 

"what were they about" Van asked. 

"I… I can't tell you" Hitomi said simply. 

"Why not?" Van asked indignantly 

"Because… it's too personal…because it's about you." Hitomi said, her eyes getting distant. 

" what? Am I in some sort of danger?" he asked in a rising tone. Hitomi softly laughed. 

"No, none of that…more like your future…" Hitomi said quietly looking down onto the floor. 

" My future?" he paused "It wasn't with you in it, was it?" Hitomi didn't say anything. Van looked at her and his eyes grew unreadable. 

"Tell me…did I love her?" Van asked softly. Hitomi looked up and stared into Van's eyes…trying to possibly convey a message 'Please don't ask me these questions'. Van then slid closer to Hitomi, put an arm around her and held her close to him. 

"Don't worry. We'll figure this out together" he whispered   
  
  



End file.
